I have a shirt that says “motherhood is my muse” and it is so very true. Being a mom makes me want to be better. It makes me want to be more patient, more loving, more selfless and more compassionate. It makes me want to be the best version of myself so that I can be the best mom to my son.
As much as motherhood is my muse and my inspiration to do better for my son, it is also my weakness. In all of the ways that I strive to be better, more patient, more loving, more selfless, I am constantly reminded that I always fall short of being the perfect mom. I might be patient with him 99% of the time, but there is always that nighttime wakeup call that tips me over the edge. I may love him with all of my heart, but there is always more love to be given. I may be selfless all day long so that I can give everything to him, but there is always that small part of me that resents the lack of time to myself.
So, although motherhood is my muse because it makes me want to be better, it is also revealing my weakness in the ways that I cannot possibly be perfect. Ultimately this boils down to the fact that there is only One who can be my muse. Jesus. He is the image of perfect love. He is the epitome of selflessness. He is able to do far more than I can ask or imagine. He makes all things new. He will never let me down. He demonstrated perfect love in the most sacrificial act, His own death.
When I try to attain some perfect goal of being the perfect mom in my own strength, I fail.
When I put motherhood on the pedestal, I fail.
When I am willing to change for my son but not for THE Son, I fail.
Only when I look to Jesus to be my muse, to be my strength and to be my inspiration do I have any hope at succeeding at being a perfectly imperfect mom – the best version that I can be. When I look at the life of Jesus, there is no question of His selflessness. He served people relentlessly, He poured out love to everyone He met, He never once turned down someone who asked for healing even after the longest of days, He gave and gave, always more, until He gave the ultimate sacrifice… His own life. If that’s not selflessness then I don’t know what is. If He’s not my muse, then I don’t know what I am doing.
So these days I am leaning on my Saviour and His unending grace when I don’t live up to being the perfect mom. He forgives me and loves me anyways, then helps me to do a little better through His perfect example and His strength. My goal is to raise children who love and serve the Lord with their whole hearts. Demonstrating Christ’s love to them through the way that I mother them may be my greatest calling and greatest challenge. I am called to love them the way that Jesus loves me, to give them grace the way that Jesus pours out His grace on me, and to point them to His loving and forgiving arms.
I’m far from perfect and I’m far from being the perfect example of Christ’s love, but Jesus is my muse and He is continually refining and moulding me into someone who resembles Him a little bit more than yesterday. And that’s the kind of mom I want to be.